April 4, 2008

The Paradox of Permanence and Change

Well...having not been "here" for a while it's interesting to write, as there are many thoughts that I would like to share.

Today is the day before yet another performance and I find myself experiencing many of the same emotions and thoughts: dread, anticipation, excitement, humility, confidence in my abilities, the continuous desire to "fix things", etc. Of course, this is amusing: after having played many concerts one would think that the performer would not experience some emotions and have some thoughts that could be thought of as negative.

Nevertheless, every performance is a rite-of-passage be it due to performing in a new space, a different hall, a new instrument or one that has been adjusted, new repertoire, new collaborators, or any of the factors that mark "a changing life", and I find myself grateful to be in this place of wonder and self-knowledge. Additionally, it is nice to know that I haven't lasped into complacency - "nervousness" can actually be fresh and exciting as opposed to ego-driven and debilitating.

In addition to the new repertoire (both Mozart #4 and Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso on the same evening), the newest thing is the violin, in some ways. I am so happy that I took the time to have the instrument adjusted and also to have had a smaller "tune-up" two weeks ago. Many thanks once again to Marilyn Wallin of Boston and the folks at both the Tulsa Violin Shop and Wilhite Strings (Knoxville, Tennessee).

My first rehearsal with the Cortlandt Chamber Orchestra was last night and the violin feels - and sounds - wonderful. The sound is now much clearer and much more powerful, the latter resulting in less "work" for the bow arm, thus resulting in the ability to be a bit more expressive as opposed to "heavy handed".

More from the road - after the double-hitter evening...

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