February 3, 2009

Editing, Editing, Editing

Well...the world has changed and continues to. Since Barack Obama's inauguration I have found myself torn: while it has been necessary to step back from the world and "focus on my own goings on", I have found myself wanting to pay attention to the changing situation both in the United States and throughout the world, as well as still experiencing a sense of wonder and disbelief. But the work continues, and I am for the moment at the home of a dear friend in the Hudson Valley, where I am editing recordings, making recordings, and taking stock of last year.

This process of editing, of course, never stops, and when one is submitting proposals and audition recordings one has to make sure that what one sends to the adjudicators is indeed the best that one has to offer. Right now, I'm listening to a chamber music recording made in 2007 and asking myself, "Can I send this?"

Will those listening judge me because of the level of performance exhibited by the entire ensemble, or will they, being knowledgeable of this repertoire, truly listen to the violinist that is being considered?

I do understand that we have to embrace risk, and I also understand that sometimes we have to send what we have. Of course, listening to this after so much time I am reminded that I DID spend a great deal of time preparing for this particular performance, and that the audience reaction (both to the piece being performed and specifically to my playing) was overwhelmingly positive. Nevertheless, I have to question, "In total, is this the best that I have to offer as a representation of my work?"

The process of preparing for a performance, giving a performance, evaluating one's work while also moving forward, is no small one - and I'm once again finding that this can be quite daunting; however, this feeling of "overwhelm" is not coming from my ego...guess I'm in quite the different place than in years past...

Meanwhile, the metronome ticks...

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