Day Whatever....

As I write this, I have to refer to a meme that I saw today in which we were told "I don't know who needs to hear this, but today is Thursday, March 26."

I spent most of Thursday, March 26, 2020 under the covers of my bed.    While that may seem "lazy" to many, especially in light of the state-of-the-world, this was purposeful.    March 26, 2020 would have been my father's eightieth birthday, and I guess I needed some time to think about that.

Nevertheless, a few days ago I wrote a typical "Library of Congress" length Facebook post, and I humbly ask that we revisit that post:

"Day whatever: grateful to have received what I did from Food Rescue Baltimore this afternoon, and even moreso for my neighbor Paula who brought me a pound of rice, a jar of peanut butter, and what can only be called a "hunk" of cheese...

"Strange to live in Mount Vernon and find the streets empty, and to see the city buses empty...

"Grateful that I can trust my intuition, as the "something's wrong" thought that filled my brain this morning went away upon coming home this afternoon to see THREE fire trucks on the 900 block of St. Paul Street. Fortunately, no building went down and to my knowledge no one was affected, but solar plexus energy is NO JOKE, y'all....

"Grateful to have had the ability to say "I need to lie down" in the middle of the afternoon and to do so in a clean, quiet apartment while rains fell...

"Grateful to have seen a neighbor at the store tonight who, while I was walking home, drove by and asked 'Are you okay? Are you able to work from home?'

"Grateful as always for Kimberly Johnson and our tradition of end-of-the-day checkins that has existed for a few years...

"Grateful to be in my home and typing while shawarma chicken is cooking alongside the beets and sweet potatoes that are roasting as I type...

"Grateful to have taken the day away from C-Span, local and national news ...

"Grateful to have made the choice to step away from the noise to remember my truly fearless cousin Russell Sabb (and there's a story that I can tell you if you wish to hear privately as that moment twenty years ago was a real life-changer)....

"...but still: I'm tired. Many of you who know me know that one of my strengths is also one of my weaknesses, that being that the heart is on the sleeve and that the emotions sometimes have no container...but we're all tired, no?

"We're all grappling with this in so many ways, from some worst-case scenario planning to those having worst-case scenarios and income losses thrown into their faces. I shudder as I think of my friends and colleagues who have lost probably tens of thousands of dollars due to cancellations and will be forced to make draconian decisions (as I may have to in a few months).

"We're all tired: As I have primarily worked from home since August 2019, the joy that I had due to being able to watch all of the impeachment hearings on C-Span has been replaced by the profound desire NOT to tune in to the daily updates and watch both a national and world leader step to the podium with the posture of a studio class colleague who never practiced and never accepted the new routines being deathly afraid to pick up the fiddle and play Kreutzer #2, 4, 7, and 13....profoundly afraid for a bad rating, profoundly afraid for a "bad look", profoundly afraid of a shaking bow....

"...but the reality is this: those of us who understand our positions and the responsibilities of those positions "lean in". Those of us who have performance anxiety do the work to get through: therapy, Kato Havas, yoga, meditation, reschooling and retooling, seeking advice and humbling ourselves....

"...While we ARE definitely seeing the needed leadership from officials including Maryland governor Larry Hogan, New York governor Andrew Cuomo, and countless others, we're not seeing this from the Commander in Chief now, and I shall not comment on the article that I read today in which the person responsible for leading our nation out of a pandemic said that he has to this day NOT consulted past presidents for advice.

"THAT fact alone should be enough for everyone, but unfortunately it will not be.

"Dear departed cousin Russell Sabb would approve of this message, as he was tired as well..."

More from the ground coming later,
Samuel Thompson